"You'll be receiving payment within seven days." "I've never stolen from an employer." "All our work has been inspected and certified."
Wouldn't
it be nice to know when people are telling you the truth and when
they're not? There is a way. Janine Driver spent decades training FBI,
CIA, and ATF agents in how to spot lying, and her new book, You Can't Lie to Me, explains how it's done.
"A
lot of entrepreneurs get embezzled or taken advantage of," she says. To
avoid such a fate, follow these steps to start spotting untruths:
1. Start by observing how the person normally behaves.
Before
you try to tell whether someone is lying to you, you have to get a
sense of how he or she communicates in a normal, nonstressful
conversation. "Talk about the Red Sox, or a friend from elementary
school who found you on Facebook," she suggests. You need this baseline,
because behavior that might indicate a problem, such as rapidly tapping
a foot or using a lot of verbal fillers such as "um" and "well," might
simply be this person's normal communication mode.
"When
you're building rapport with people, that's when you get their
baseline," Driver says. "You need a minimum of three minutes to do it."
2. Listen carefully.
Statement
analysis can help you discern when someone isn't telling the truth,
Driver says. For instance, if you ask a yes or no question, the answer
should actually contain the word yes or no. Watch out for a denial that
doesn't include a no.
Let's
say you ask, "Have you ever stolen from an employer?" "If the answer
is, 'I would never do that,' that could be a signal," Driver says. It's
OK if the answer is "No, never," as long as the word no is in there, she
adds. But if you think about it, "I would never do that" is a statement
about the future, not an answer to your question about the past.
3. Look for "hot spots."
When
someone deviates from his or her baseline in a suspicious way, Driver
calls it a hot spot--an area to which you should pay close attention.
Body language is a good way to find hot spots. Driver uses the
children's song "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" as a way of breaking
down observations of someone's body to reveal that person's true
feelings. For instance, look at the direction a person's feet or belly
button is pointing to get a sense of that person's true interest or
intentions, she says. A shoulder shrug indicates uncertainty.
And
keep an eye out for facial expressions. An eyebrow "flash," when
eyebrows move upward, usually means people like what they've just heard
or seen. Pursing or sucking in the lips means the opposite. And if one
side of someone's mouth goes up in a half smile, that's a smirk that
usually indicates contempt or superiority--an expression Dick Cheney
frequently wears, Driver notes. But it can also mean self-satisfaction
or pride.
4. Ask follow-up questions.
Just
because you have a hot spot doesn't necessarily mean you have a lie,
but you do have a good reason to explore further with a few more
questions. For example, "Explain this gap in your résumé" leads to the
answer, "I was home raising my kids." "People often leak contempt when
they're lying," Driver says.
So
she recommends asking something like, "I may be wrong, but it seems to
me you felt proud when I asked you about that time?" The explanation
could be that the applicant took a lot of pride in the time spent being a
parent. You won't know unless you ask, and you shouldn't try to be a
mind reader.
5. Ask if they're telling the truth.
"The
last question you should ask is, 'Did you tell me the truth when you
answered all these questions?'" Driver says. "We're looking for a yes or
a no." Surprisingly, some people will admit to a small (or large!) lie
at this point, and you can get at the truth.
If
someone will be in a position of trust and you really need to know
whether this person is truthful, you can follow up with a particularly
powerful question: "Why should I believe you?"
Here's
the tricky part: Whatever answer you get first, don't accept it and ask
a second time. "That didn't really answer my question--why should I
believe you?"
Listen
carefully for the next answer. It should be short, simple, and to the
point, something like,
"Because I've told you the truth." But a liar
will tend to overcompensate. This may take the form of getting angry and
accusing you of something, such as not wanting to believe even though
he or she is telling the truth, or saying he or she doesn't want to do
work with you anyway. On the flip side, the liar may overcompensate with
a lot of character references. "You can ask anyone I've ever worked for
whether I'm honest or not!"
Incidentally,
Driver says, when you hear something like that, always take them up on
it. "No one ever does," Driver says. "But you're likely to be surprised
at what you find out."
Im learning something....
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